I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
