he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
