Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
