Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
did i walk over a car last night?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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