dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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