There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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