So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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