Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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