Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I need moral support for this bender
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My penis needs a shock collar
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
