How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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