Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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