Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
