With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize