OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
