I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
