Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize