Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
