I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
