Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
