yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
we're so committed to being not committed
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
