If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
