how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
