i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
