I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
