well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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