just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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