Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
