Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
