Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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