I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
