i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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