I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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