i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
