i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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