I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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