So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
