On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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