Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
