I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
