we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
