In America we eat man semen.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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