Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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