my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
