it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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