my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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