Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My ATM looks so different sober.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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