lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
