I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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