I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
