it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
