i would punch a child for taco bell
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize