I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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