Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
