She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
