I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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