I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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