glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
