That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
