If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
