i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
