Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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