Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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