I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We need a shit load of segways right now
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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