Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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