You work out of a Hotel?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
