so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
