Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
