Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
