you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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