my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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