i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
