My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
