im holly from the hills drunk
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I want is dick and wine.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
