ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
