You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
