What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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